EMCEE: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, it is my, uh, it is my distinct, uh, it is my sad duty to inform you that we will not be able to perform the next play, entitled "Three Ladies Getting Naked For Your Pleasure".  I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  I know, I know.  Unfortunately, two of the three ladies in question were maimed earlier this afternoon when one of the portapotties exploded.  So in the meantime, we, uh, we are, uh, we are totally pleased to present the following play instead.  This is an emergency substitue play.  This play is entitled "Howard and Madeleine Eat Dinner."

(At table C stage sit Howard and Madeleine.)
HOWARD: Hey, Madeleine, this dinner is great.
MADELEINE: Why, thanks, Howard.  It's my own recipe.
HOWARD: Boy, what a day at work I had.
MADELEINE: I got some great bargains on garbonzo beans at the store today.
HOWARD: So then my boss said, "I need it by Friday!"
MADELEINE: You know, I've really noticed a difference since switching fabric softeners!
HOWARD: Well, hon, let's see what's on television tonight.
MADELEINE: Hey, that's a great idea!

(HOWARD & MADELEINE rise, bow, and exit hurriedly.)

EMCEE: Okay, yes, that was "Howard and Madeleine Eat Dinner."  An emergency substitute play.  Now let's move on to our next exciting play.  This is a play I just know you're going to love, a play called "Menage A Trois, Smeared In Chocolate, Heavy On The Audience Participation."

(An ACTOR runs onstage, whispers something to the EMCEE, runs back offstage.)

EMCEE: Umm... I see.  It seems... it seems that we are not able to perform "Menage A Trois, Smeared In Chocolate, Heavy On The Audience Participation."  It, uh… it seems that our entire supply of chocolate was, uh... was used up in a dress rehearsal late last night at the Smut Shack.  I, uh... I really do offer my condolences, and the condolences of everyone here at Fleshlab.  I know so many of you were looking forward to this particular piece.  But in the meantime, we, uh... we our absolutely proud to present this, uh... this emergency substitute play, called... "The Emcee Recites Some Of His Awful High School Poetry."  (deep breath)

(affected voice)
Oh baby baby
You got it going on, girl
Oh baby baby

(pause)
Yes, well, it's a haiku, you see.