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Thon! (or Attack of the Clones!)

Commercial Break

by José Amador and Scotto
(MAXWELL sits at his station, staring ahead, he only answers perfunctorily. BOBBIE MENINGITIS enters.)

BOBBIE: Max. Max, you mensch, how you doing? You holding up? Max.

MAXWELL: (using BEATRICE’s arm and hand) Hey, Bobbie, shake!

(BOBBIE and MAXWELL laugh at this morbid little joke.)

MAXWELL: Bobbie, do you have anything for me?

BOBBIE: Didn’t Skip tell you, hookers are on the way.

MAXWELL: I haven’t seen any hookers.

BOBBIE: Okay, I’ll send some more… Do you think you can make it to the end of the hour, kid? Max? Max?

MAXWELL: Bobbie, did I ever tell you about the time that little girl was trapped at the bottom of the well, and I ran through the woods as fast as I could, and I found Timmy, and I barked, and barked, and barked… (sobs) We saved that little girl’s life, Bobbie. We saved her.

BOBBIE: Max, that was Lassie.

MAXWELL: (snaps) Don’t be ridiculous! Lassie never fell down a fucking well! Get lost, Bobbie. (offers the arm to BOBBIE) And take this to Beatrice, I think she might need a hand.

(After a beat, they both laugh hysterically. BOBBIE exits.)

BIFF: Welcome back! It’s time to ask the question: Who loves ya baby? Well, of course, it’s Maxwell Beep, even if you don’t want to be loved. Oh, but you do. You do want to be loved. Your eyes may say no, your mouth may say no, but Maxwell doesn’t care, still he comes at you, in you, and on you! And now, here’s the man that’s hung like a malcontent pervert in medieval times: Maxwell Beep!

(Applause.)



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