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Alyssa Keene as Kelly, Val Brunetto as Andrea, Patrick Lennon as JT, Kristina Sutherland Rowell as Harris, Aimée Bruneau as Margo. Photo by Joe Iano

Yr City's A Sucker

produced at the 14/48 festival, 1/5/18. The randomly drawn theme for that night: "All Together Now." My random actor draw: write a play for five actors.

We are on a sidewalk, with stanchions in place indicating that we are looking at the front of a line. There is exactly one person in line as lights come up: JT, a quiet kid with a backpack fully stocked for a long day in line, big headphones connected to a tablet to block the world out, sitting on the ground. Some empty cans of Monster soda are arrayed carefully near him. He wears a battered leather jacket and ripped jeans.

JT to the audience: It’s San Francisco, outside the Bill Graham Auditorium, where tonight my favorite rock band in the world, Bliss Potential, will be performing the fifteenth show of their amazing reunion tour. I have followed the tour since it began in New York City.

Two newcomers arrive: KELLY and ANDREA, authentic modern hipsters, photogenic; Andrea is perhaps Kelly’s younger sibling by a few years. They too have backpacks ready for business. Andrea immediately takes a phone snapshot of the front of the building. Kelly waves at JT, who hesitates, then waves back. Then, after a beat, he takes his headphones off.

JT: Do I know you?

KELLY: I was second in line behind you in Vancouver, Seattle, and Portland. So you might recognize me from, like, being right next to you a lot lately. What time did you get here?

JT: I showed up at 10. They hadn’t even set the ropes up yet.

ANDREA: Did you see their tour buses pull up?

JT: Yeah, but I don’t like to get too close. I’m not here to invade their privacy.

ANDREA: Oh, I would invade Colin’s privacy if I got the chance.

KELLY: Listen to you.

ANDREA: I’m just saying.

KELLY: I should have gone to the bathroom.

JT: The library’s right over there, it’s got bathrooms.

ANDREA: I should go too.

KELLY: Save our spots?

JT: Sure.

Kelly and Andrea exit.

JT to audience: Thirty minutes go by, about the length of the band’s infamous ambient album, which I am listening to out of a strange sense of duty.

HARRIS enters - wearing a sport coat or blazer and slacks, a scarf stylishly arrayed around his neck, he’s a bit of a modern dandy. He saunters up next to JT.

JT: Oh, I’m saving spaces for a couple people, just so you know.

HARRIS: No worries. I might just try to sell my ticket anyway.

JT: Why?

HARRIS: The new record’s not my thing.

JT: Really?

HARRIS: Ah, it’s just - it feels like a cash grab, like they only broke up five years ago and they made this big deal out of it and now, this new record, it’s just…

JT: They only play a few songs from it. They mostly play the hits.

HARRIS: Well, I saw them play the hits like five times back in the day.

JT: So why’d you buy a ticket?

HARRIS: I hadn’t heard the new record when I bought the ticket.

Kelly and Andrea re-enter and take their spots in line.

JT to audience: The thing is, though, the new record is actually very, very good. It’s sharp like the old stuff, but it’s got a new maturity that suits their sound quite a bit.

HARRIS: I don’t know, it sounds kind of drab to me.

KELLY: Shut up, it does not.

HARRIS: I will not shut up. I’m just stating my opinion.

KELLY: You are entitled to a wrong opinion, no one is denying that.

ANDREA: I don’t know if I can wait until after the show to eat again.

HARRIS: There’s a bar around the corner I go to all the time, has good burritos. I’ll go with you.

KELLY: Bring me back something.

ANDREA: JT, you want anything?

JT: I’m good.

HARRIS: JT? Blogger JT? Oh - now it makes sense.

JT: What makes sense?

HARRIS: You’re internet famous for blogging about Bliss Potential, so of course you like their new album.

ANDREA: I don’t blog about them and I like the new album. To Kelly: I do, right?

KELLY: I think you mostly like their old stuff.

ANDREA: Well, still.

Andrea and Harris wander off.

KELLY: You do like the new album, don’t you?

JT: I do.

KELLY: I do too. I don’t think I like it more than their first album. I love their first album. I would marry and have children with their first album, and we would name our children “Track One” and “Track Two.”

MARGO enters - not exactly goth in style, not so far as all that, but still, she’s got a very serious look about her.

JT to audience: I don’t normally make friends in line. I’m going to leave town tomorrow to catch the band in San Diego and I won’t see these people ever again.

MARGO: I’m going to see them in San Diego actually. And Los Angeles.

JT: Okay, but after that-

MARGO: I’m going to Europe.

JT: You’re going to see them in Europe?

MARGO: Got the summer off for it.

KELLY: Pro tip, you got to get in line before 10 if you want to be in front of JT.

MARGO: I don’t need to be first in line.

KELLY: Which is a good attitude, since you aren’t.

Harris and Andrea return with bags of food and mini bottles of liquor to share.

JT to audience: The band’s new album is all about the alienation that comes with getting older, coupled with the satisfying realization that you still have time to live your best days.

HARRIS: They just sound burned out to me.

MARGO: That is a legitimate position from which to make meaningful art. You fight and you fight and you get tired of fighting, but you still have something to say.

HARRIS: They’re rich rock stars, what are they fighting about at this point?

MARGO: They’re fighting to stay authentic when it would be so easy to embrace the cliche that people like you think they’re becoming.

HARRIS: Well, that’s obviously how they’re marketing it.

MARGO: They’re marketing it that way because it’s true. I mean look, maybe they wrote better songs when they were younger. But that’s what makes the new record feel so ambitious. They didn’t have to make this record. They don’t have to keep writing songs to prove anything to anyone, they don’t have to tour, they don’t have to put themselves out there for judgment.

ANDREA: I want to be that age and still making meaningful art. I don’t want to go quietly, you know?

KELLY: How old do you think they are?

ANDREA: I don’t know - 40?

JT: Colin was 37 when he started the band. He was 37 when he wrote “You Got Nerve.”

KELLY: Oh, see that shit is still my jam.

Kelly starts in on the song “You Got Nerve”, meant to be performed as a rhythmic shout. Andrea immediately joins in.

KELLY / ANDREA: You got nerve!
Coming round here with your cheap cigarettes
Your cheap ass booze in your bullshit car
You got nerve!
Coming round here with your bad attitude
Your fake ass smile no you won’t get far
MARGO: You got nerve!
Asking me out like I’m some kind of clown
With no self esteem and nothing to do
You got nerve!
Rolling on E in the middle of the day
And you know damn well I wanna do some too

Harris and JT jump in on the bridge.

HARRIS / JT: But I got a job and I got three kids
And I ain’t gonna see my life on the skids
You roll up in here, you’re gonna play my way
Just sell me some shit for another day

KELLY / ANDREA / MARGO / HARRIS / JT:
You got nerve!
Wasting your time and wasting your life
And wasting that fancy art degree
You got nerve!
And you might have style, but I’ll tell you this much
You don’t have me

A general round of high fives and self-congratulation follows.

HARRIS: They’re going to play that tonight?

JT: They open every show with it.

HARRIS: Maybe I won’t sell my ticket.

KELLY examining a mini bottle: What is this, Goldschläger?

ANDREA: I thought you would find it funny.

MARGO: I will admit I don’t understand why they made an ambient record.

JT: Colin’s always secretly wanted to be a DJ.

MARGO: I mean, arguably, as a fan - he probably should have kept that a secret.

JT: New record’s cool though.

MARGO: Yeah, I dig the new record.

Fade to black as they chat among themselves.



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